“Whatever you focus on expands.”
This popular phrase probably started out in a self-help book. I know I’ve read it many times in different types of literature. The idea is that when you focus your thought-energy, emotional energy, or physical energy on something, that aspect of your life will become more and more prominent.
I believe this is true for everyone, although most folks don’t know the extent of this phenomenon. Some toss it off as nonsense, disregarding the common-sense aspects of how it works.
For example, weight-loss experts urge those who want to get in shape to think and act like a slim person. The resulting behavior usually involves eating less and exercising, not with the attitude of “I’m fat and I have to do this,” but rather with the thought of, “I have a healthy, slim lifestyle.”
Changing thought patterns results in lifestyle changes, not just a temporary fix for a problem.
I have always been a worrier. To worry is to not only to be anxious or nervous about something, it is also described as “to seize by the teeth and shake”. Obviously, I’ve been looking up words on dictionary.com again.
When I worry, I am essentially seizing an idea with my (mental) teeth and shaking it, without letting go. I am the pit-bull of worrying. Sometimes I think about all the things that could go wrong, even the worst possible scenario, so that I can perhaps be prepared to deal with the issue if it ever comes up.
The thing is, most of what I worry about never happens. As a worrier I spend so much energy on anticipating bad things that I lose out on the good things that are happening right under my nose. Until the good jumps up and smacks me in the face with enthusiasm, like a dog that’s happy I’ve come home.
Spending precious brainpower and emotions on troublesome thoughts only promotes more troublesome thoughts. It’s a bad habit, it doesn’t do any good, and usually doesn’t prepare me all that much, because none of us can ever know for sure what’s coming around the bend.
I never worried about my gall bladder until a five-day episode eleven years ago that led to emergency surgery. I got through the recovery just fine without having prior knowledge of how I would deal with this unexpected event. That’s how most of life works: we deal with things as they happen.
The other day my worry habit came up and bit me when I wasn’t looking. One of my sons mentioned that he didn’t think what he wanted was going to happen, and when I told him that was a negative way of thinking, he said that if he expected the worst and something good happened, then he would be happy. But if the worst happened, then at least he wouldn’t be disappointed.
My first thought was, “Did he learn that from ME?” I was dismayed. How could I be an example of positive thinking to my children if they witnessed my worry habit on a regular basis? Focusing on worry only served to expand my worry – and gave my kids the idea that expecting good things to happen was foolish.
After that revelation, I vowed to show gratitude for everything in my life, and to speak of that gratitude more than I speak of my worries. I figure that giving thanks is always more uplifting that lamenting your troubles.
The day after I had the conversation with my son about expectations, a wonderful thing happened for him, something so great that neither one of us could have seen it coming. I told him that we have to believe there are good things out there waiting for us, even though we may not see them clearly at the time.
I’m not saying that my vow of gratitude caused the good fortune to come to my son, but who knows? We’re certainly not going to dispute it. We will just say “thank you.”
I do believe that whatever I focus on expands, so I’ve put the muzzle on worry. There’s a new dog in town, and it’s called “patient and grateful.”
And like an exuberant puppy, it makes me smile.
Published in The Daily Telegram, Adrian, Michigan, on March 17, 2006
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