Inside

“We’re all the same age inside.”

I saw this phrase on a greeting card several years ago. After some thought, I realized that I felt the same inside as I had when I was younger. Time hadn’t changed the Me that made up my personality or ideas.

My interpretation of that card is that inside each person is an ageless self, therefore, we are all the same in that regard, all ageless, all the same age.

We may change our actions and reactions as we have more experiences, but we don’t change our “selves.” We gain knowledge. We acquire parts of ourselves that can either help us grow or weigh us down. We develop, but we don’t lose who we are, although we may temporarily deny or hide our true selves.

Some people call this the “inner child” and say that to be truly healthy, you need to examine how the child inside feels about your adult choices. I say that paying attention to what you really want is important regardless of the age of your gut feelings. Ignoring what makes you happy is a sure way to be miserable. And being miserable makes those around you miserable, too, because misery takes prisoners and holds them hostage.

I was inspired to think about age, a topic I usually avoid (because I’ve been in denial about my own aging) by a speaker at Adrian High School a few weeks ago. My oldest son, Mark, was one of the students inducted into the National Honor Society. (I’m very proud of him, although it annoys him for me to say so. Sorry, Mark.)

Tom MacNaughton, whom I’ve known since I was frivolously taking my youth for granted, was the featured speaker at the NHS event. As the director of the Lenawee County Department on Aging, an agency that serves the oldest population of our society, Tom knows aging – but he uses his knowledge to defy the stereotypes of growing older.

In his speech, Tom asked the question, “What kind of older person do you want to be?” He told of people in their 70s, 80s, and 90s who have stayed active and reached goals that younger folks might have given up on. He spoke of his personal goals, of long ago making a list of things he wanted to do in his life, and of running marathons at age 55. His stories pointed out the value of keeping physically and mentally fit, in order to enjoy vitality rather than assuming that decline is expected as we age.

I thought I was doing quite well at not acting my age. But the more I thought about what Tom said, the more I realized what I have given up. I’ve stopped doing things that I used to enjoy because “people my age don’t do that.” I’ve let the fear of injury or discomfort, both physical and mental, stop me from taking on some new challenges. I’ve aged myself, when I am really the same age inside that I’ve always been. Time has not done this to me – I have done it to myself.

When the shock of this realization wore off, I decided to reverse the trend and start doing more. I’ve been getting more exercise, and I’m thinking about making that list of goals, of things I want to do while I’m still kicking. Sure, I may not be as fit as I was in my twenties, but I can improve. I can take control of where this train is headed, instead of letting it run down the track without an engineer, only to be surprised later at where I end up.

When I told my mother that my column topic this week was aging, she said, “Aging is great! If you’re going up (in age), at least you’re not stopping!” I think I’ll add that to my list of “Momisms.” Another good one is “Never say you’re old! Think young and you’ll feel young.” No wonder she’s so busy all the time. She’s like the Energizer Bunny because she has no concept of being too old to do what she wants.

I’m getting out a piece of paper today, and I’m starting on that list. First item: Dance when I feel like dancing, even when my teenagers say, “Mom, PLEASE don’t dance!”

Are you with me? What kind of older person do you want to be?

Published in The Daily Telegram, Adrian, Michigan in May, 2007.