A Day for Mothers

I love being a mother.

Sometimes motherhood is the most difficult and challenging job I have ever taken on. Other times it is incredibly rewarding and satisfying. But always it is the commitment I devote the most energy to, take the most pride in, and learn the most lessons from.

Raising children to be responsible, caring adults is an honorable task. I think that my sons are turning out to be wonderful young men. I hope that whatever I have taught them will continue to be a positive influence in their lives.

After more than a decade of single parenthood, I can say that the advice I got eleven years ago is true: Parenting solo does get easier, over time.

The first few years of taking care of two small children on my own were tough. They went almost everywhere with me. If I had to go grocery shopping, I took my two little helpers. If we ran out of milk in the evening, we all got in the car to get more.

If they were sick, I sat up at night with them. When they fought, screaming and chasing each other through the house, I was the moderator. I hugged and kissed their tears away, and listened when they needed to talk about something, but not all the time and not always objectively.

I spent time with them in doctors’ offices, the emergency room, and around x-ray machines. I was with them during the sad times, the mad times, and the happy times. I sang to them. I juggled work and school functions and housework and errands, all while trying to give them the best possible childhood I could, under the circumstances.

I made lots of mistakes, and occasionally they will remind me of that. They are teenagers now. I have told them they need to get a good education so they can get good jobs, and then they can afford the therapy they might need to deal with how I raised them. They laugh at me. They call me a nerd. They love me.

I wouldn’t be half the mother I am without the direction and support of my own mother, Janet Brown. Without her love and guidance, I would have faltered in my task of raising these boys. She helped me keep my head above water when I felt I was drowning. She has never been more than a phone call away. She loves me. I am extremely lucky to have her.

My mom taught me how to cook, bake, and make excellent pie crust. She taught me how to take care of a home and nurture a family. From her I learned how to sew clothing, to hem a skirt or a pair of pants, and to make repairs on everything from wobbly furniture to a dinner gone awry. She is the ultimate in self-sufficiency, but she knows that no one is really self-sufficient, that we all need each other.

When I work in my small flower garden, I think of my mom. She has always gardened, and I grew up learning the names of flowers like portulaca, sedum, peony, petunia and four o’clocks, among many others. I spaded and weeded the vegetable garden with my brothers, and learned from my mother the wonders of nature and the value of hard work, in the fruits of our labor that fed us and beautified our home.

My mother shows me that you can be 70 years young and beautiful. I call her several times a week, just to talk. She tells me about her garden and her projects, and I remind myself that I want to be like her, active and vibrant no matter what my age. She is philosophical and believes that we attract to ourselves what we think about, so she thinks in positive ways and expects the best outcome. I love talking to her.

Because Mother’s Day is next week, I have been trying to think of what to give a mother who has given me the tools to be a good mother myself, and to have a great life. There are many options for Mother’s Day gifts. But what can I do to show her my appreciation for all she has done for me?

I will live my life with her example. I will love my sons as she loves me. I will be happy.

Thanks Mom, and Happy Mother’s Day. You are the best.

Published in The Daily Telegram, Adrian, Michigan, on May 5, 2007.