It's Not Easy

When I was ten years old, our family dog had a litter of puppies during a bitter cold January. We tried to keep all ten puppies and their mama warm by attaching a heat lamp above their box in the attached garage, but the extreme temperatures took their toll. One by one, the puppies died. I was devastated with each loss of a tiny life, but the worst was yet to come. With four pups still hanging in there, our dog, Princess, succumbed to pneumonia. She took her last breath as I sat next to her on the floor of the utility room, petting her and loving her through her final moments. Although I had lost many cats to cars and other tragedies, it was the first time I had watched someone I loved die.

It wasn't easy. We had to take her body to the farm of some family friends because the ground was too frozen for us to dig a grave. We had to figure out how to feed four hungry pups who no longer had a warm mother to care for them. We had to clean up after the orphans and do our best to save them.

Our family members took turns feeding the puppies, warming a milk mixture and filling glass baby bottles, then mothering those babies the best we could. All four pups survived. We found good homes for three of them and kept one, a female, and called her Princess, after her mother. Princess II was probably the best dog I've ever had. She had a bond with our family, likely because we had such a strong bond with her. For 13 years she was the best friend a girl could have, even after I moved out on my own. That was a true connection.

You might expect a dog to be loyal, as dogs are known for such things. Humans are capable of this kind of loyalty, of course, but we don't love unconditionally as dogs do. We judge and discern and hold back praise or affection, because there are inner struggles we deal with on a daily basis. Whether to be right or be kind. Whether to give in or stand strong. Whether to be independent or interdependent. Whether to shut out or let in.

My thoughts on human relationships have been inspired by, of all things, Facebook and "Facebook friends." Chris, a man I know only through Facebook, posted that he was suspending his account for Lent. His declaration, along with a story from 2007 in the Washington Post by Gene Weingarten called "Pearls Before Breakfast" got me thinking about how we rush through life, sometimes looking for the easiest way to just get through the day. Rather than slow down and take the time to SEE and HEAR the beauty around us, we often either ignore it or briefly take note that we'll appreciate it more "next time." As for friendship, the beauty of real human connection is something that needs to be developed to be appreciated.

Social networking makes friendship seem easy. We send a friend request and it gets accepted. We post something that others agree with, and we find like-minded people. Finding like-minded people is a wonderful benefit of online connections, but in order to truly call these people my Friends, I must make an effort to be a friend, and "liking" that person's Facebook post or making a positive comment isn't enough, in my opinion. I don't want to slack off on the one thing that could bring the most fulfillment and joy to my life that I cannot bring to it alone. I don't want to "phone in" my friendship.

I wouldn't want to completely forgo electronic communications, but I see them as a jumping-off point:  I meet someone online, decide I'd like to know that person better, and take steps to do so. I put some energy into becoming a friend. I can't know that the other person would want to reciprocate the energy output, but that's the risk you take when you reach out your hand. I'd rather risk some rejection than never try to reach across the divide.

When I was ten years old, the important aspects of my existence were things like the love of my family, loyal friends, hikes through the woods, a good dog, music, drawing, learning how to cook, sewing, and exploring. I find that I am still that ten year-old inside, with some extra loves and wisdom gained throughout the years.

As far as core values go, not much has changed. I think it's time to set aside "easy" for "Rich". I think it's time to honor the honesty of the ten year-old heart.