What's Lost Is Sometimes Found

I have lost many things in my life - my father, friendship, one glove, a loving man, my lavender comb, several teeth (don't worry, they were baby teeth) - and some things lost cannot be found again. Certain losses are of one-of-a-kind treasures, like my father, whose humor and affection and funny quirks live on in my mind and sometimes in my dreams, where he comes to visit me.

The friendships that I've lost were perhaps destined to only last a certain amount of time, until we moved on to other stages of our lives. The glove was easily replaced. The comb I'm still looking for, hoping.

In a cluttered house, it can be easy to lose something because of all the visual noise distracting you from what you are looking for. In an earlier post I included a photo of my living room in a state of disarray. One evening this week my son, Mark, told me he had four friends coming over and he wanted to clean up the living room so they could hang out there.

I quickly helped him clear the room of anything that didn't belong in it, and put those items in my bedroom. It was so easy to do that I wondered why I had been procrastinating. (See the new photo.) Since I then had to clean up my bedroom, I packed up things to get rid of and put them in my car, to disperse the next day.

Agonizing over the best way to dispose of something trips me up when I work on decluttering. I hesitate to throw something away in the trash, as there is no "away"; things simply get buried in the ground or piled in a heap.

So I need to make better decisions about what I acquire in life, for several reasons. First of all, I want to acquire things of value to me, not just get something because it's free, or easy to get, or available. Then I want to make sure I'm not holding onto things I don't want or need, things that do not serve me well or are not good for me.

Having removed the clutter that keeps me from seeing things clearly, I can concentrate on keeping those things of value, which means I am less likely to lose something important to me. There will always be loss, but I can do more to prevent the kind of losses that come from something being hidden from my sight.

This theory of clutter, loss, and taking care of things that matter extends to more than material goods. Time spent on busywork can be clutter, which causes the loss of time that could be spent on meaningful pursuits. Worry is mental clutter that keeps one's thoughts from setting tangible goals that could help transcend the worry and instead bring empowerment.

When someone comes into your life who is clearly good for you, it sometimes happens that you let clutter thoughts intrude, which discount the good by picking out the negatives and holding them up to the light at every opportunity. These distracting thoughts are what Richard Carlson wrote about in the entry "Stop Rehearsing Unhappiness" in his book (with Kristine Carlson), "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff in Love".

In all clutter, there is perhaps an insulating factor:   If my home is cluttered, I won't have to deal with people coming over to visit and highlighting my social awkwardness. If my mind is cluttered, I can put off setting goals because it's possible I might fail at them, so the mental clutter keeps me too busy to even start. If my clutter thoughts keep me from truly appreciating someone who loves me, I can shield myself from the vulnerability of really trusting a person who could cause me pain if they decided to stop loving me.

Humans are adept at surviving in the face of many hazards, but surviving is not the same as thriving. To thrive is to fully live and take risks that could bring joyful rewards. They key is sorting out the clutter that prevents us from taking those risks.

And risking, although scary and sometimes dangerous, may lead us to find some things that were lost. My heart says this alone is worth taking the chance.

Finding peace in simplicity

Today I begin the true decluttering process on my home. I love my home, and I want it to be a peaceful and welcoming place. The clutter and overfill of our stuff has taken some of the joy out of being here, and I don’t feel comfortable having people over.

I sincerely want to get rid of a lot of stuff today, and I want to let go of the idea that I have to find the “perfect place” for all of it in order to let it go. I think it will be most helpful if I simply bless the items and send them on their way to be of some good to someone else. Some of it will be taken to resale shops, and I will find an area to put those things until I put them in my car to transport. Other things will be listed on e-Bay or Craigslist. I will donate some, give away some, and throw away some. Probably won’t be throwing away much, though, because there’s not much real trash, just stuff I don’t need or use.

I have plastic tubs that are empty, and I can put things in them that I want to keep, like blankets. The areas with the most clutter are the basement and the living room (see photo). My bedroom is much better, and when I get the clothes sorted out (many extra clothes – I didn’t realize I was such a clothes-horse!) there will be even more space. The kitchen is an ongoing project.

I want to help others become more peaceful in their lives and their homes, so the first step is being a good example. I will journal the process here, and perhaps in this way I will SEE more of what is really here and will not be able to just put the blinders on and ignore it.

So, the scary part is letting anyone else in on what my home really looks like inside. It’s not as bad as some, but worse than many, I’m sure. We have only 680 square feet on the main floor; the basement is not counted as official living space, but we definitely use it, as my oldest son, Mark, has his bedroom down there. Now that’s a clutter of a different sort altogether! He’s in charge of that space – I try not to venture into the chaos, but he occasionally cleans it up and gets it looking really good.

Here we go!